How to be friends after dating

Spoiler alert, Harry meets Sally, Harry befriends Sally and the two fall madly in love.It’s a narrative we’ve seen played out time and time again, spanning the Dukes of Shakespeare to the Hugh Grants of Richard Curtis.He suggested dinner sometime; I countered with coffee. At this point, we’re more friends who dated a really long time ago than “exes.” Two of them, I’ve danced at their weddings.But once I got home and thought about following up to schedule that coffee, I didn’t. As I thought about how many exes and quasi-exes I already have as friends, I wasn’t sure I wanted or needed another one. One of them started a book club that I’ve been part of for years., when Billy Crystal’s character explains the age old riddle of male and female friendships.“Men and women can never be friends,” he tells Meg Ryan, “because the sex part always gets in the way.” And he’s right, sort of.But if you do get to decide, there is no Google Calendar alert that pops up to tell you the timing is right.

As we said goodbye and traded “nice to see you’s,” I thought about how it was merely nice to see him. We made no halfhearted promises to see each other again soon. In my early 20s, I neglected to take such a break when my college boyfriend and I quickly slid into a friendship of frequent phone calls and cross-country visits.The support he offered at that time, when I was just starting out in a new career and in a new city, was incredibly valuable; in a lot of ways, the long goodbye was wonderful.There’s only so long a relationship can remain in limbo.After we said goodbye on that spring day a year ago, I thought about him a lot and wondered how he was doing.

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So why is it that the friends-to-lovers paradigm bears such perennial relevance? It’s been scientifically proven that the longer you’ve known somebody, the more attractive you’ll find them, researchers at the University of Texas found.

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